We have good news and bad news. The good news is that there is now a new huge sign at the practice facility boldly showing the band’s logo. Dave promptly nailed it to the wall. With a pipe wrench. And hit his thumb. His drumming didn’t suffer. The bad news is that I’m sad to report the death of the largest freestanding dandelion plant in the world. It formerly resided on Dave’s front porch. We observed a moment of silence.
There were bonus prizes! Rodney brought everyone a snazzy miniature microphone keychain. Dave automatically assumed it was for pornography. Sicko.
Much to our delight, P showed up early! We hadn’t expected him until 8:00, but fearing that if he weren’t there by 6:30 Rodney would leave, he took it for the team and came on in.
We opened the evening with “What’s Up,” a notoriously high-pitched mamby-pamby sack-squeezin’ song. I sang most of the song low and tried one chorus high. After the song, Dave did some politically correct dancing around saying crap like “I think you may be more comfortable singing that low.” It was only after much pressure that he finally came out and admitted that yes, it sounds better low and I have no business trying to sing it high! “It needs to sound like a male vocalist singing it, is what he’s trying to say.” is how P put it.
Next we played “1985” and it sounded pretty good. After that came “All Along The Watchtower,” which has turned into our official jam tune. It sounds really good and Philip does a sweet guitar on that one.
Then it was… PUPPY BREAK! Jann showed up with a six week old Boxer puppy, whereupon Dave and I instantly turned into little girls. “Wook at the wittle puppy!” After Jann left we managed to drink a beer and get our manhood back.
Then we played “All Right Now” where we all managed to come together for a pretty good ending despite running through most of the song on different pages. Then came “Bang A Gong,” which has some crazy lyrics, but P does a great solo on that one. I felt like a rock star singing that one until I screwed up the ending.
And then “Black Betty” surprise attack! Dave LOVES that song so we did it just for him. It wasn’t on the official practice list, but hey, this was an extra practice and nobody had actually printed out an official list, so why not? We did a pretty good job of it, but mysteriously, it somehow ran into a “One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer” – “Move It On Over” Medley.
Then we played “Gimme Some Lovin’.” It sounded really good and we decided to extend the ending by a few bars. I’m not sure if we need new charts or not. I’ll leave that up to Chart Master Philip. After that we played “Bittersweet,” one of my new favorites that we do, complete with the Clapton-esque trick shot solo. And somehow we went from there to “Jack and Diane.”
Next was “Help Me Make It Through The Night” followed by a rousing rendition of “Help Me – She’s Out Of Her Mind.”
That was followed by a BEE ATTACK! The horrible thing flew in like a Bell 260 Attack Copter. It was a ginourmous beast. Dave proceeded to bludgeon it to death with Rodney’s bass case. After everything calmed down, we ran through “Help Me Make It Through The Night” again. We had a couple different versions, so we worked out the charts on the fly.
Then we played “Real Wild Child” a nice guitargasm song, which somehow, and inexplicably, led to “China Grove.” That happened a lot. I’m not sure why. We also played “Right Place Wrong Time” which is tough without a rhythm guitarist. WES! Where are you?
Next we played a “Gloria” – “What I Like About You” – “Gloria” medley. Apparently I’m the only one that thinks that’s a marriage made in heaven but we’ll see. After that we “Play[ed] That Funky Music,” white boy, and worked out a really good ending. In fact it sounded so nice we had to play it twice. Next we played “Walking In Mempis.” I love that song. We finished up the evening with “Keep Your Hands To Yourself,” which P tears up on the guitar. I love me a good guitar song.
There were delicious BBQ sandwiches for those who didn’t have to rush off. And of course, there were many memorable quotes.
“Gitcher microphones, get ‘em while they’re hot!” ~JD
“I want my male vocalist to sound like a male vocalist.” ~Dave
“Nothing wrong with any of it, especially the rest of it.” ~P
“Go Outside, JD!” ~Dave (during the bee attack)
“Who was that?” ~Rodney (after Jann left)
“Small hands on that dog. You may not be the father.” ~ P
“I’m into me some whip-poor-wills.” ~JD
“Willie Who?” ~Dave
“I’m ok if I’m just down here.” Rodney
“Getting’ new strings tomorrow. Yep, that’s right, breakin’ out five big ones. If we ever play somewhere I might get the eight dollar strings.” ~P
“Did you say ‘if’?” ~Dave
The best quote of the night will not make the newsletter.
The second best quote of the night will be broken down into an acronym.
“GOOMFB,YFF!” ~P
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