Big Hand Dave

Last night was the first time we have all been together in a month and it was way past due! We had a good practice.

I unveiled a painting I had done of Rodney – one of my best, if I must say so myself – to the approval of all. I plan to paint all of us. Here is a close up.

Rodney said we should make posters and t-shirts of our paintings for when we gig – a capital idea.

It should be mentioned that Phil James, aka PJ, (the artist formerly known as ShutUpAndPlayGuitar) was sporting a new goatee, which looked positively smashing.

To start the night off we began with “1985” followed by “Play That Funky Music”. We worked on the ending of that and fixed it. Then we played “All Right Now” and we need to work on the ending for that one. Next we played a soft, slowed down version of “Bittersweet” that was really pretty. We played “Good”, which has a tricky ending and we got it exactly right. That was followed by an impromptu (Rodney) jam of “Hazy Shade of Winter/California Dreamin.” We need to figure out if somebody did either one of those as a one hit wonder, as Phil James tore through a blistering guitar solo during the jam.

Our dark and dirty version of “Tainted Love” was next and it was perfect. I’m garnering some inspiration for that one from Marilyn Manson, who does that song the way it was meant to be played. We did “All Along The Watchtower” twice ‘cause we like it and ‘cause we can. We then fine-tuned “Gimme Some Lovin’.” We brought it down a step and half, more like the Spencer Davis Group does it, and customized the ending. Then we played it with a strange but cool “Louie Louie” medley. But it’s all “Louie Louie” anyway. Dave came up with a good line that will close the song out – as long as we’re all paying attention.

Next came “Stacy’s Mom” and Wes says we’re like peas and carrots on that one. We then played around a bit with the percussion of “Bittersweet.” After some discussion, it was decided that Dave should come in when he feels it. We moved on to play “Gloria” which sounded really good.

It was at this time that it was decided that the “Secret Word” bet should be settled up. Dave, Rodney, and Wes each paid Phil James 100 pennies.

Allow me to elucidate.

The “Secret Word” game has been going on for quite some time. I have only just been made aware of it. The guys would agree on a secret word and each would try to be the one to be quoted in the newsletter using the secret word. Each person put a dollar in the kitty. The person who was quoted in the newsletter using the secret word won the pot. This is freakin’ hilarious if you’re looking at it from my side of the fence, as it cleared up a lot of questions I had about some really strange behavior exhibited by those lunatics.

There were strict rules about the game. For instance, you could only use the word a certain number of times and you could not use it unless everyone else was present. Now that I have been included in the game, the rules are the same except that I must now try to guess the secret word. If I do, I win. If I don’t guess it and quote someone using the secret word, they win. If I don’t guess it and I don’t quote anyone using it, then the kitty carries over and doubles for next time. It should make for some interesting vocabulary exercises.

Next was the only low point of the evening. We butchered “I’m Gonna’ Be/500 Miles.” I’m not really sure what went wrong. Maybe it was just one of those things. We quickly found redemption with “Real Wild Child.” We got back into gear with that one and the guitars were absolutely phenomenal.

We wrapped up the evening with a really good rendition of “What’s Up,” and probably the best version we’ve done of “Wild Thing,” and finished it all off with an extended jam of “Keep Your Hands To Yourself,” during the middle of which I heard Phil James yell, “There’s a bat in the room!” It turned out to be a trained attack Palmetto Bug (aka - big flying, freakin’ cockroach) which made the unfortunate maneuver of landing on Phil James’ arm, whereupon it immediately met its demise.

There were more quotes than usual on this evening. I’m not sure if everybody was especially verbose or if I was paying more attention trying to decipher the secret word. I don’t know what the secret word for the night is. The weirdest word of the night, which I thought might be the secret word, was “crochet.” Wes came in and announced that on his drive over he had seen a woman jogging wearing a crochet bikini. This, I think, was a clever ruse to throw me off the track of the real secret word, simply due to the sheer improbability of the scenario. In any case, some of the better quotes follow:

“I need to work on the middle part – getting into it and getting out of it.” ~PJ

“I can’t take my eyes off myself!” ~Rodney

“Step away from the can!” ~Dave

“PJ – it’s just so damn cute.” ~JD

“I even threatened her with sex and she still wouldn’t tell me.” ~Rodney

“What about my delicate sensibilities?” ~PJ

“I f@cked up the three chords.” ~Wes

“Well they’re not alphabetical.” ~PJ

“The invisible evolution works wonders.” ~ Dave
(nobody knows what this means)

“I smoked nine cigarettes waiting for Phil to finish his solo.” ~Wes

“I use the deep one.” ~Dave

“I tune to a different tune” ~Wes

“Bonus! We have corn!” ~JD

“Who put that table in my way?” ~Wes

“This will work better if we can touch each other.” ~PJ
(hmmmm)

“Stay over there in the rhythm section – otherwise known as the freak section.” ~PJ

“It looks a little limp.” ~Wes
(this one was perfectly timed as to cause PJ to spew his beverage)

“I was just getting ready to do my steel drum impersonation.” ~PJ

“We’re so good, things are falling from the ceiling.” ~JD

and this one bears repeating:

“There’s a bat in the room!” ~PJ