Big Hand Dave

You know it’s going to be a good party when:

a: the cops show up – during the sound check
b: there are jello shooters
c: the drummer is wearing rhinestones
d: there’s a dogfight
e: the police are quoting your lyrics the second time they show up
f: all of the above

Write your answer down. There will be a test later.

It was a beautiful day. The weather was mild and the temperature was in the low 80s. The skies were a bit overcast keeping the midsummer sun at bay and there was almost no humidity. A slight breeze blew in gently off the lake and a Peregrine Falcon drifted lazily overhead. It was pastoral. It was perfect. Too perfect.

The good news is nobody went to jail. The bad news is the cops shut us down at the end of our first set. Even with half our PA out of commission due to technical difficulty, apparently some good old-fashioned rock-n-roll was too much for some people in the middle of a perfect South Carolina summer day.

It was fun while it lasted.

The sound check consisted of a rousing rendition of All Along The Watchtower.” In no time at all, a squad car arrived. The police informed us that there had been multiple complaints. “Multiple complaints” during a sound check in the middle of the day in the summertime at the lake sounds to me like somebody has an axe to grind. We didn’t give it a lot of thought as we really weren’t playing that loudly. So we mingled with the crowd until it was time to start the show.

Dave took the opportunity to change into his outfit for the day’s performance. And ladies and gentlemen, what an outfit it was. The shirt was dark blue with red appliqué roses on the chest. Emblazoned across the front was BIG HAND DAVE in rhinestones and sequins. On the back was a giant Big Hand Dave logo, also in rhinestones and sequins. He wore a straw cowboy hat with a ‘hang loose’ style hand on the front. He topped off the ensemble with a pair of bright white oversized sunglasses, which also happened to be festooned with rhinestones. It is a very good thing that he didn’t go to jail in that get up. It was quite fetching, but not appropriate attire for a sleepover in a correctional facility.

But then it was time to get down to the business at hand, which was to make some music. It soon became apparent, however, that there was a problem with the sound system. The problem was quickly blamed on Dave, which led to a new band rule, though, in fairness, upon closer examination, the damage could not be directly attributed to him. Regardless, a new band rule was instated, which reads: No Big Hand On The Soundboard.

We made it through five songs before repairs to the PA had to be initiated. These five songs were “Sex & Candy,” “Stacy’s Mom,” Alright Now,” Keep Your Hands to Yourself,” and “Good Lovin’.” It was obvious that the sound was suffering, which was frustrating as the sound check had been perfect.

After what seemed like a very long time – which, coincidentally, was police-free – Wes got most of the sound system back online. At which time we proceeded to attempt to finish our first set. We started back up by playing “Brandy” and moved on to “These Boots Were Made For Walking” which was met with a very favorable crowd reaction. We followed that with “Walking In Memphis,” “C.C. Rider,” and “Drift Away,” all of which evoked very positive responses.

The crowd had loosened up by this time as when we played “New Age Girl” there was much dancing and cheering. The good times continued with “Get It On (Bang A Gong)” and a smoking version of “I Wish I Had A Girl.” Next we played a very fast version of “Tainted Love.” Someone told me later that they were surprised at how dark and dirty we made that song and that they really liked it that way. Next we played “867-5309/Jenny,” which the crowd really enjoyed, followed by “Blister In The Sun,” another crowd favorite.

We had the crowd in the palm of our big hand and were just about to make them our own with our world-famous version of “Gloria” to round out the set when another contingency of South Carolina’s finest showed up, telling us that if they had to come out again, somebody was going to be arrested. The officer, who was quite a polite and professional gentleman, was only doing his job. He said that as he was pulling up he was on the radio with dispatch and they told him that the complaining party was saying,“They’re singing about staining the sheets, which is an obvious sexual innuendo.” For those of you not entirely up on your BHD song list, that’s a reference to “Blister In The Sun” by the Violent Femmes.

After consulting the Big Hand attorney, who was willing to take it to the Supreme Court, and debating our options – which included 1) picking a sacrificial lamb to go to jail or 2) to crank the PA up to full power and read from either the book of Genesis or Revelations – it was decided that the better part of valor would be to enjoy the sumptuous feast that awaited us. There were juicy burgers and bratwurst cooked by Andy and Chris, there was fabulous pasta salad, wonderful potato salad and a corn creation by Katie, and Christine’s sublime jello shooters, just to name a few items.

A truly marvelous time was had by all despite the best efforts of some crotchety old goat bent on ruining a good time by calling the cops on a peaceful and happy party. Alas, I did not get the chance to plug the web site, BigHandDave.com, as Rodney diligently reminded me to do. However, it was quite heartwarming to look out into the crowd and see all the BHD apparel being worn by so many people. You guys are the best and you made my day.

By the way, it wasn’t a full-blown dogfight. It was just a little bit of growling and snapping. No fur actually flew and the two soon sniffed each other’s butts and made up.

There were many outstanding utterances during the day. However, I simply could not write them down. I will scribe the two most memorable, as I would be remiss to not list them.

“Are those sea urchins?” ~Wes

“Tomorrow I’m blasting gansta rap all day long.” ~Dave

If you are interested in Big Hand Dave apparel, you can get some here:
http://www.cafepress.com/bighanddave