Big Hand Dave

We had a really good practice last night. It was a ‘work’ practice, thanks to Dave, who can be a tough taskmaster. We worked on songs and parts of songs over and over again because we needed to learn some things. It’s good to have these kinds of practices though, as it means the band is growing up, and is playing music now to learn it instead of simply to jam to it. It’s a good thing. It’s a very good thing.
Rodney has been battling a cold or the flu or something, but he was a trooper, even though he was very quiet throughout the evening. Dave took up his slack in that department. Dave also threw a drumstick at me on two separate occasions. I don’t know why.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the Bobble Head Dave, and no, that is NOT the new name of the band, but yes, frighteningly, there is an actual Bobble Head Dave. Whoever would have such a thing manufactured is disturbed to a degree that I won’t go into in this newsletter, but you will have to trust me that it looks just like him. Dave got it for Christmas. The horror. The horror.

But the head is too small.

Another thing that is NOT the new band name or logo is Dave’s new t-shirt. Don’t even ask. And please, don’t encourage him. Mandy. I’m talking to you. I love you, but damn, Baby!

Back to business. We started out the night working on our first Big Hand Dave original, “Staying Kind.” It was the first time we had played it complete with vocals and melody, so we played it several times. It sounds really good. I mean to tell you, it’s a winner! As soon as we can get the official Big Hand Dave recording artist, Jeff, on the scene, we will have a version up on the web site for your listening pleasure. Capricorn Records should be calling us as soon as they hear it.

After that we went to a song we hadn’t played in a while: “On The Dark Side.” We hadn’t played it in a while, and it wasn’t bad, but a little slow. The second time around we go the tempo up to speed. Then we played “I’m Gonna’ Be (500 Miles).” It’s been a while, but we can still rock out this song. We played it four times as we fine tuned the drums, which were rockin’, and the bass, which rolled along nicely.

Next we played “Sex & Candy.” I just have to say that we kick that song’s ass. Feel free to swoon. I did. Then we played “Bang A Gong (Get It On)” and I’m almost positive the name of that song is a euphemism for something else, but I can’t be sure. Rodney trotted out a sassy bass lick in this song that completely caught me off guard, and was really fuckin’ cool. Yep. That’s right, I threw out the ‘f’ word to describe a bass lick. Sue me.

Then we played an old standby: “Bittersweet.” I didn’t think I could like this song any more than I already do until we played it tonight. PJ’s solo surprises me every single time. It is absolutely perfect.

Then Wes showed up so we had some tuning and some laughing and the obligatory jam. Soon we were able to play “Staying Kind” with a full set. It was fabulous.

Then we had another obligatory jam, which sounded a bit like “Devil Inside” by INXS if the Doors had covered it in a freaky time-traveling kind of way, but sadly, without the organ. I took the opportunity to make a pit stop and was able to listen to the unique rattle-vibration in the bathroom with the full band playing. It sounds like a monster is coming.

Then we had our revenge on “Smokin’ In The Boys Room” which was a disaster the last time we tried it. But we rocked it out this time. The drums were good on this one and Wes’ harmonica chorus adds a lot. We also wrestled with the ending and made it work. After that we played “Good” and fixed the ending. Then we played “I Wish I Had A Girl.” I have but one thing to say about that one. Have mercy! And then, ready or not, it’s “Lump!” Dave shows no mercy on the tempo on that one – he does it right, though; hard and fast – and we got it absolutely right.

“Wild Thing” was up next. Fab-u-fuckin-lous. PJ saved the ending. He reined it in like a wild beast and made it behave. “Save Tonight” was next and Dave’s drums rocked! We also had some great harmony working on that one. Then we played “What’s Up?” and ended with “Baker Street” one that we know well, and do well. We liked it so much we played it twice. We left out a couple songs that we had planned to play, but we got so much accomplished working on the others that no one minded. We still haven’t gotten the entire band together to try our “Hand Jive” medley, so maybe we can do that for next time.

There were many quotes, of course. I am saddened, however, as I believe the secret word game is no more. Unless of course, it was “Shocker.” Had to be there.

A quote I’m leaving out is too long, but I would be remiss if I did not at least mention the “Crazy, Intense, Moroccan Chef Story.” The next time you see Dave, have him tell you the story. It definitely wins the Cole Slaw Gold Medal award for entertaining impressions.

Another quote is being left out because I don’t know how to put it on paper. I don’t think it’s translatable. Wes was doing his impression of Fonzie trying to admit he was wrong. It’s freakin’ hilarious. If it hadn’t been for all the cables and mic stands and amps lying around, I would have been rolling in the floor laughing. Have him do it for you. If you don’t know who Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli is then just keep looking at the pretty colors.

For all you children in the audience, Fonzie was a star of the 1970s TV show “Happy Days,” which was a sitcom born of the classic George Lucas movie, “American Graffiti,” both of which starred Ron Howard. “Happy Days spawned many memorable (and some regrettable) characters and spin-offs. “Laverne & Shirley” was a hugely popular spin-off that featured two sets of the greatest comic duos since the days of Vaudeville with Lavern and Shirley and Lenny and Squiggy. “Joanie Loves Chachi” was quite successful, which still remains a mystery to most reasonable people, and “Mork & Mindy” allowed the world to get a weekly dose of the then new phenomenon that was Robin Williams. “Happy Days” ran for many seasons and ‘The Fonz’ enjoyed great popularity and would rise to become the icon of icons. He was Elvis and James Dean and Muhammad Ali all rolled into one. He was the quintessential tongue-in-cheek tough guy – a leather jacket clad, motorcycle riding, rebel-with-a-heart, Italian heartthrob that could turn on a jukebox or a fine lady with the snap of his fingers. He was the very description of “cool.” There is no contemporary comparison. Now that I’ve completely waxed nostalgic and gone WAY off on a tangent, let’s get back to the quotes.

“His head’s too small!” ~JD

“That jackass stole my pen.” ~Rodney

“I probably got thirsty or something.” ~PJ

“Who else is gonna’ be your bitch and put up with your shit?” ~Rodney

“We just need not to muddle it up too much.” ~PJ

“It’s simply amazing.” ~JD

“I can’t look at all these friggin’ lyrics!” ~PJ

“I didn’t want to say nothin’.” ~Dave

“You’re plugged in though, aren’t you?” ~Rodney

“Finally, someone to dilute PJ!” ~Dave

“I didn’t know I needed diluting!” ~PJ

“I’ll pollute ya’! ~Wes

“They were running a special with 1950s prices.” ~PJ

“You just write down whatever tickles you, don’tcha’?” ~Rodney

“Oh, ya’ll re-wrote it while I wasn’t looking!” Wes

“I don’t think PJ has enough shirts.” ~Dave

“It’s double jointed.” ~Wes

“You’re too much, Dude.” ~Dave

“It’s 10 but it seems like 12.” ~Rodney

“E, E, and more of it.” ~Wes

“Thank God for what did you say?” ~Rodney

“Have we ever done this?” ~Wes

“That was freakin’ me out! Who else was doing that?” ~Rodney

“My guitar won’t turn off!” ~PJ

“A buncha’ chicks that are mean.” ~Wes

“It’s fruity fresh.” ~JD

“I don’t give a rat’s ass.” ~PJ

“If I had a rat’s ass I’d give it.” ~Wes

“All I know is, I’m not getting enough quotes!” ~Dave

“I just want to see the look on that Chinese woman’s face who JD took that shirt from.” ~Wes

There is an unprecedented three-way tie for best quote of the night:

“You’ve got me reading shit now!” ~Dave

“Don’t look at me, it’s your fingers!” ~PJ

“Would you kindly retch me that pink one with the alien head upon it?” ~Wes